Managing frustration through communication
'Secrets' to keeping romance alive
With Valentine's Day coming up, some people look for a romantic relationship that will last well beyond the 'holiday.'
Some advice, from SUY Upstate Psychologist Dr. Rich O'Neill:
The key to relationship success is managing the inevitable frustrations of life together, and the 'secret' is positive communication.Research on couples taped in a lab and then followed for years shows that based on communications, there was 90% accuracy in predicting which couples would split up: conversations with 5 to 1 positive thoughts (20 to 1 is better) maintained healthy relationships.
O'Neill says the key is developing the gift of telling a person what we really like and want more of, or what we don't like and want less of. Negatives, and arguments, are part of the equation, says O'Neill, the key is knowing what is open to compromise. Money, kids and sex are the three major flashpoints.
To read more, a couple suggestions:
'Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work' (2000, Crown Publishing) by J. Gottman and N. Silver
"Conversation Transformation: Recognize and overcome the 6 most destructive communication patterns" (March 2 publication date, McGraw Hill) B Benjamin, A. Yeager & A Simon
